Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Acid is not a monday night drug
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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