GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
