Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
