could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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