trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Acid is not a monday night drug
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i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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