so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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