just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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