we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
