You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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