Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize