I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
