He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
