I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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