Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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