i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
