Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
