i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
