So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize