You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
