I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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