Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think I sprained my soul last night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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