whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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