you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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