shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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