my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize