It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
