..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
