So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
