I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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