Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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