Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
