SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
