My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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