oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize