I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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