I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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