why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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