oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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