i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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