Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
