garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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