i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
