Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
