Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
His nipple licking is glorious
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