I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
