We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
