Four minutes until I can fart!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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