I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
