I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
