If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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