sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize