You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
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She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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