It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
