My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
