You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
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Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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