I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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