It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
