you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
only if we run a train.
done.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
