I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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