the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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