Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
